La Na International Airlines
'Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen.
This is your captain Jose M. Sayad welcoming you to La Na International Airlines.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the massage parlor. This is flight sixty-nine to Land down-under. Surely landing is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the Sea. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your barangay!
La Na International Airlines has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination.(I presume that the other 50% were the terrorists themselves!!!) For the ones that don't quiet make it, La Na Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardesses Malou Ang and Dina Brucha will be happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary tea and biscuits.
For our religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you test your faith!
We are happy to inform you, that we can vote for today's in-flight movie as we have a big collection of pirated DVD on board.
But for our movie buff, we will be flying right next to Philippine Airline, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
Life jacket are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the sexy and swimming shorts to the hunks, for emergency jumps!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
For conservation of natural resources is what we give importance to at the most, we wont be wasting any petrol on this flight and I hope you'll manage with water!!!!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat.
And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.
Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cockpit.
Thank you for choosing La Na Airways. HAVE A NICE JOURNEY. Hope you all learn your lesson not to be too stingy.
