My Dream Phone

The first phone i have was given to me, it was a Nokia 3310 (this is the hippest back then). While other's update their phone regularly with the newest model on the market, i was satisfied using it. Though my phone now seem to came from the Jurassic Era, i don't mind, cuz i'm eying a better and nicer phone.

Guess what?

It's the new iPhone a revolutionary new mobile phone that allows you to make a call by simply pointing your finger at a name or number in your address book, a favorites list, or a call log. It also automatically syncs all your contacts from a PC, Mac, or Internet service. And it lets you select and listen to voicemail messages in whatever order you want — just like email.




This iPhone combines three amazing products — a revolutionary mobile phone, a widescreen iPod with touch controls, and a breakthrough Internet communications device with desktop-class email, web browsing, maps, and searching — into one small and lightweight handheld device. iPhone also introduces an entirely new user interface based on a large multi-touch display and pioneering new software, letting you control everything with just your fingers. So it ushers in an era of software power and sophistication never before seen in a mobile device, completely redefining what you can do on a mobile phone. (sources Apple - iPhone).

The specs this phone is a 11.6 millimeter device (thin huh) that include a 3.5-inch 480 x 320 touchscreen display with multi-touch support and a proximity sensor to turn off the screen when it's close to your face, 2 megapixel cam, 4GB or 8 GB of storage, Bluetooth 2.0 with EDR and A2DP, WiFi that automatically engages when in range, and quad-band GSM radio with EDGE. It runs on OS X with support for Widgets, Google Maps, and Safari, and iTunes with CoverFlow out of the gate. A partnership with Yahoo will allow all iPhone customers to hook up with free push IMAP email. Apple quotes 5 hours of battery life for talk or video, with a full 16 hours in music mode -- no word on standby time yet. In the US the 4GB iPhone is $499 (from Cingular) 8GB for $599. Ships Stateside in June, Europe in fourth quarter, Asia in 2008. That's next year for Asia (see the full story and pictures from engadget).

Now my dream phone is worth waiting for.

Touch Screen Computer

Microsoft announces Surface Computer the first in a new category of surface computing products that will “break down traditional barriers between people and technology”. While Apple seems to be going towards the smaller hand held type market (the new IPhone), Microsoft is going for the table-sized crowd (too cool

This new product will affect the CAD world. Imagine in a near future with a "CAD table" where designers can browse, view, annotate, and discuss 3D models. Not so apparent is a table interface for 3D modeling. (novedge).

See how it works:



A first of it's class.

Delecadesa is this still in our trait

Delicadesa, i first heard this word from my mother, when i was a kid. She said this trait of Filipino is already fading (it was the martial law back then). At frist i don’t know what she mean, but i put those thoughts in my mind. Now that i have grown-up i knew what she said was true, specially now.Pinoy throw their respect in exchange for financial gain.

Recently i came across a news from Japan about a scandal from a cabinet member who headed Japan's powerful agriculture ministry. He said "I apologize for having created troubles. There is no excuse for my own ignorance and lack of virtue," and hanged himself just hours before he faced questioning Monday over alleged bookkeeping fraud…read the full story

Japan though develop officials still have the Delicadesa and will end his life out of shame. But in our country the face of Hello Garci (you know him) now resembles things that should be watch.

Our government should do examples like in China’s Ex-China Drug Regulator to Be Executed: BEIJING (AP) -- China's former top drug regulator was sentenced to death Tuesday in an unusually harsh punishment for taking bribes to approve substandard medicines, including an antibiotic blamed for at least 10 deaths…read the full story

It’s not yet late to change and get back the true Pinoy good traits. Our young should start. A single person can change this if his example is followed by everyone.

Salute to Philippine Flag

We just celebrated the national flag day, May 28, 2007. This 4 color flag have a long story. And it starts:

"The flag of the Republic of the Philippines was adopted on May 19, 1898. The Philippine flag has two equal horizontal bands (blue on the top and red on the bottom during peacetime; red on the top during war); a white equilateral triangle is based on the hoist side - in the center of the triangle is a yellow sun with eight protruding rays and three yellow, five-pointed stars (one in each corner of the triangle). The ratio of the height to width is usually 1:2.

In the flag, the red color represents blood, courage and bravery, the blue color stands for unity and noble ideas, and the white color stands for peace and purity. The white triangle originally stood for the Katipunan, a revolutionary organization that led the revolt against Spanish rule in the late 1800s - it now stands for equality among men. The sun represents the dawning of a new era of self determination. The 8 rays of the sun stand for the first 8 provinces that revolted against Spain. The 3 stars stand for the 3 main geographic areas of the Philippines: Luzon, the Visayas and Mindanao.

This flag was designed in 1897 by General Emilio Aguinaldo, the President of the Revolutionary Government, when he was in exile in Hong Kong during the Philippine Revolution against Spain. The first flag was sewn by Doña Marcela Marino Agoncillo, the wife of the first Filipino Diplomat (Don Felipe Agoncillo). This flag was banned by the Americans during the Philippine-American war and by the Japanese during World War 2."

This flag symbolize the Philippine people as a whole, now some want to revise the penalty for those who violate the use of our flat...read the full story here.

Harder penalty is this the answer...it's better to teach the history of our flag and our nation as a whole for the youth to understand the value of our 4 colored flag. Also to inculcate in their young mind the love for our country. But this move should start from the officials as they are influential to many youth. As our famous Pinoy phrase "Ang ginagawa ng matanda ang gagayahin ng bata". Go good not for yourself but for the future of everyone else.

10 Blog Traffic Tips

In every bloggers life comes a special day - the day they first launch a new blog. Now unless you went out and purchased someone else's blog chances are your blog launched with only one very loyal reader - you. Maybe a few days later you received a few hits when you told your sister, father, girlfriend and best friend about your new blog but that's about as far you went when it comes to finding readers.

Here are the top 10 techniques new bloggers can use to find readers. These are tips specifically for new bloggers, those people who have next-to-no audience at the moment and want to get the ball rolling.

It helps if you work on this list from top to bottom as each technique builds on the previous step to help you create momentum. Eventually once you establish enough momentum you gain what is called "traction", which is a large enough audience base (about 500 readers a day is good) that you no longer have to work too hard on finding new readers. Instead your current loyal readers do the work for you through word of mouth.

Top 10 Tips

10. Write at least five major "pillar" articles. A pillar article is a tutorial style article aimed to teach your audience something. Generally they are longer than 500 words and have lots of very practical tips or advice. This article you are currently reading could be considered a pillar article since it is very practical and a good "how-to" lesson. This style of article has long term appeal, stays current (it isn’t news or time dependent) and offers real value and insight. The more pillars you have on your blog the better.

9. Write one new blog post per day minimum. Not every post has to be a pillar, but you should work on getting those five pillars done at the same time as you keep your blog fresh with a daily news or short article style post. The important thing here is to demonstrate to first time visitors that your blog is updated all the time so they feel that if they come back tomorrow they will likely find something new. This causes them to bookmark your site or subscribe to your blog feed.

You don't have to produce one post per day all the time but it is important you do when your blog is brand new. Once you get traction you still need to keep the fresh content coming but your loyal audience will be more forgiving if you slow down to a few per week instead. The first few months are critical so the more content you can produce at this time the better.

8. Use a proper domain name. If you are serious about blogging be series about what you call your blog. In order for people to easily spread the word about your blog you need a easily rememberable domain name. People often talk about blogs they like when they are speaking to friends in the real world (that's the offline world, you remember that place right?) so you need to make it easy for them to spread the word and pass on your URL. Try and get a .com if you can and focus on small easy to remember domains rather than worry about having the correct keywords (of course if you can get great keywords and easy to remember then you’ve done a good job!).

7. Start commenting on other blogs. Once you have your pillar articles and your daily fresh smaller articles your blog is ready to be exposed to the world. One of the best ways to find the right type of reader for your blog is to comment on other people’s blogs. You should aim to comment on blogs focused on a similar niche topic to yours since the readers there will be more likely to be interested in your blog.

Most blog commenting systems allow you to have your name/title linked to your blog when you leave a comment. This is how people find your blog. If you are a prolific commentor and always have something valuable to say then people will be interested to read more of your work and hence click through to visit your blog.

6. Trackback and link to other blogs in your blog posts. A trackback is sort of like a blog conversation. When you write a new article to your blog and it links or references another blogger's article you can do a trackback to their entry. What this does is leave a truncated summary of your blog post on their blog entry - it's sort of like your blog telling someone else’s blog that you wrote an article mentioning them. Trackbacks often appear like comments.

This is a good technique because like leaving comments a trackback leaves a link from another blog back to yours for readers to follow, but it also does something very important - it gets the attention of another blogger. The other blogger will likely come and read your post eager to see what you wrote about them. They may then become a loyal reader of yours or at least monitor you and if you are lucky some time down the road they may do a post linking to your blog bringing in more new readers.

5. Encourage comments on your own blog. One of the most powerful ways to convince someone to become a loyal reader is to show there are other loyal readers already following your work. If they see people commenting on your blog then they infer that your content must be good since you have readers so they should stick around and see what all the fuss is about. To encourage comments you can simply pose a question in a blog post. Be sure to always respond to comments as well so you can keep the conversation going.

4. Submit your latest pillar article to a blog carnival. A blog carnival is a post in a blog that summarizes a collection of articles from many different blogs on a specific topic. The idea is to collect some of the best content on a topic in a given week. Often many other blogs link back to a carnival host and as such the people that have articles featured in the carnival often enjoy a spike in new readers.

To find the right blog carnival for your blog, do a search at blogcarnival.com.

3. Submit your blog to blogtopsites.com. To be honest this tip is not going to bring in a flood of new readers but it's so easy to do and only takes five minutes so it's worth the effort. Go to Blog Top Sites, find the appropriate category for your blog and submit it. You have to copy and paste a couple of lines of code on to your blog so you can rank and then sit back and watch the traffic come in. You will probably only get 1-10 incoming readers per day with this technique but over time it can build up as you climb the rankings. It all helps!

2. Submit your articles to EzineArticles.com. This is another tip that doesn’t bring in hundreds of new visitors immediately (although it can if you keep doing it) but it's worthwhile because you simply leverage what you already have - your pillar articles. Once a week or so take one of your pillar articles and submit it to Ezine Articles. Your article then becomes available to other people who can republish your article on their website or in their newsletter.

How you benefit is through what is called your "Resource Box". You create your own resource box which is like a signature file where you include one to two sentences and link back to your website (or blog in this case). Anyone who publishes your article has to include your resource box so you get incoming links. If someone with a large newsletter publishes your article you can get a lot of new readers at once.

1. Write more pillar articles. Everything you do above will help you to find blog readers however all of the techniques I’ve listed only work when you have strong pillars in place. Without them if you do everything above you may bring in readers but they won’t stay or bother to come back. Aim for one solid pillar article per week and by the end of the year you will have a database of over 50 fantastic feature articles that will work hard for you to bring in more and more readers.

I hope you enjoyed my list of traffic tips. Everything listed above are techniques I’ve put into place myself for my blogs and have worked for me, however it's certainly not a comprehensive list. There are many more things you can do. Finding readers is all about testing to see what works best for you and your audience and I have no doubt if you put your mind to it you will find a balance that works for you.

This article was by Yaro Starak, a professional blogger and my blog mentor. He is the leader of the Blog Mastermind mentoring program designed to teach bloggers how to earn a full time income blogging part time.

To get more information about Blog Mastermind click this link:

www.BlogMastermind.com

Just Another Day In Saudi

They say time flies if your having fun, i say no, cuz time also flies if your on a routine. Yes the word is routine here in saudi. Back home (Philippine) i complain about the traffic and hassle of going to work, now i think i'm actually missing it, 'cuz the hassle adds a little twist to my daily file.

The routine of home-work-home is such a tedious way of living to most Pinoy, for me it's a privilege. I feel like in total composure. Why? Because here i don't feel the everyday hassle of going to work, i just walk a little less than 10 mins to my office. Even if the summer is extreme hot here i don't bother but actually enjoy it (come winter it's also extremely cold here but no snow). I have a mindset to enjoy what i have, i was brought up like that and that's what life is all about. Like in Pinoy saying: weather weather lang iyan.

Another peaceful feeling is the load of work, Philippine employer want multi-tasking staff. Employer give a person 3 job description (higher if possible) but they gets upset if 1 out of 100 task they ask failed. I recall my former boss said to me, though i made 99 good thing but fall short of 1 task, i'm still a failure (what are u god to tell employees like that). But here my job description is what i do everyday. (This make me do blogging from my free time - productive don't you think?). Life, if i have known how easy work here i should have decided to come here much earlier in my life. But i can't bring the past back, i'm lucky to made the decision to try my luck abroad. (tgi good)

Life is good, just be satisfied with what you have, but always watchful for more opportunity and strive for more good things in life, simple yet true and realistic. Kindly note that not all story of OFWs are like mine. There are also many bad experiences that our Kabayans go through...read the story of abscond expats who want to go home.

Kabayan your welcome to share your daily life as an expat, OFW or what ever they call us. Email your story to "kabayan_junction@yahoo.com". I'll publish your story, greetings or sentiments, (include your picture if you want).

Tell the world how you feel and what you think, express yourself Kabayan.

How Not To Stop Smoking

This is how smoking area should be designed.
Stop Smoking Campaign should include visual advertising like this, because 90% of the 5 senses came from the sense of sight, now that's a big percentage of a smoker's attention, just hope they won't have nightmare.

Cigarette is very addictive why it's because of the nicotine (a drug found naturally in tobacco) content. But it's easy to quit the hardest part is to stay quit. Another reason why smoker find it hard to stay quit are these withdrawal symptoms:

• dizziness (which may only last 1-2 days in the beginning)
• depression
• feelings of frustration and anger
• irritability
• sleep disturbances, including having trouble falling asleep, staying asleep and having bad dreams or even nightmares
• trouble concentrating
• restlessness
• headache
• tiredness
• increased appetite

These symptoms lead the smoker to again start smoking cigarettes to boost blood levels of nicotine back to a level where there are no symptoms.

It's hard to stay quit they say smoking kills slowly, smoker's say they are not in a hurry. Who want to argue?

To non-smoker's don't try it anymore. To smoker quit while your still alive.

Tag to Ilker Yoldas's Stop smoking now campaign.

Life is a continuous process of learning

Aristotle said that "Life is an ending process of learning".

A living proof is the 95-year-old Nola Ochs, the world's oldest college graduate. The record show that Ochs, according to Guinness World Records, will break the record of Mozelle Richardson, who at age 90 in 2004 received a journalism degree from the University of Oklahoma. (read the full story here)

Tell the children of her story. Let be her story be an inspiration to the young generation the value of education for future life.

I'm a lucky child having a mother that constantly preach the value of education. She unselfishly telling us that education is the only treasure she could give and no one can take it away. How blessed i am to have a parent (specially my mother) that strive to give us education.

This kind of triumph story about education is now getting rarer. The result of growing poverty problem result students to leave their study. Most enter work early to support family members while others enter early marriage or an unexpected child, this instances and many other reason lead students to abandon schooling. But the hardest problem is if the parents don't have the initiative or dream for their children to continue studying despite difficulty in life.

I know how hard this is, i personally experienced the life of a working student. Also about early marriage and an early child. But this doesn't stop me not to continue my study. I have a supportive family and a family that value education.

To all out of school students...be inspired by Nola's story and to Aristotle's words.

Our year for Miss Universe

The famous line by the first Pinay Miss Universe "American's conquered the moon but a Filipina conquered the Universe" from Ms. Gloria Diaz, and after that the Miss Universe contest has been close to the heart of many Filipina.

This years Philippine will be represented by Anna Theresa Licaros a 22-year-old law student and a honor from her graduating class. That beauty and brain combine for our bid to the Miss Universe 2007 contest in Mexico City Wednesday, May 28, 2007.

Another Pinay at the contest are half bread Kirby Ann Basken (Miss Norway) and Angelina Glass (Miss Germany). Another fact that Filipina beauty is for the Universe to see.

Q & A Contest (Tagalog Jokes)

Quiz bee contest inspires the youth to study aside from their text book. This shows encourage students and teachers to read more information from newspapers, magazines and now with the internet. The aid of computer have drastically help students to gain more information and data with out the hassle of sorting out topics from traditional researches.

With all this Q&A contest bring many audience, gag show was inspired to also do the same. A "Battle of the Brainless" portion was born.

Here are some from Pinoy Pride's "Yehey.com"

Q: Saan binaril si Dr Jose P. Rizal? Clue: "B" ang simula (Bagumbayan)
A: Sa back?
Q: O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay "L" (Luneta).
A: Sa likod?
Q: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, gamitin natin ang kaniyang modern
name - "RP" (Rizal Park).
A: Sa rear part

***

Q: Saan tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo. Clue: Nagsisimula
sa letrang "B" (Beach).
A: Banyo.
Q: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, naaarawan ka.
A: Bubong.
Q: Hindi, pag nandoon ka na, marami kang makikita na mga babaeng nakabikini.
A: Ahhhh! Beerhouse!

***

Q: What is the National Bird of the Philippines? Clue: Its name starts with the letter "M"(Maya).
A: Manok!
Q: Hindi, brown ang kulay nito.
A: Piniritong manok?
Q: Hindi, nagtatapos sa letter "A"
A: Piniritong manoka?
Q: Hindi, mas maliit pa diyan.
A: Maggi chicken cube?!!

**

Q: What is the National Flower of the Philippines? Clue: It starts with the
letter "S" (Sampaguita).
A: Sunflower.
Q: Hindi, binibenta ito sa kalye.
A: Stork.
Q: Hindi, bulaklak sabi, eh.
A: Sitsarong bulaklak!
Q: Mali, Another clue, Tinutuhog ito!
A: Squid balls
Q: Hindi pa rin. Ang ending niya ay letrang "A".
A: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka!
Q: O, para madali ha, uulitin ko ang clues at dagdagan ko pa: pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa letrang "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A" at kapangalan ito ng isang sikat na singer.
A: Si Sharon Cuneta!

***

Q: Ano ang tawag ng tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod? Clue: "L" ang simula ng pangalan niya (Lifeguard).
A: Lifebuoy.
Q: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan ng taong ito.
A: Safeguard.
Q: Hindi, pero makukuha mo ang pangalan nito pag pinagsama mo ang dalawang sagot mo.
A: Safe boy.
Q: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
A: Si Mr. Clean.

***

Q: Sino ang kaunaunahang chess grandmaster of Asia? Clue: Kapangalan niya ang tao ng chess (Eugene Torre).
A: Carole King.
Q: Hindi, mas mababa sa "King".
A: Al Quinn.
Q: Hindi, Filipino ang apelyido niya.
A: Armida Siguion-Reyna.
Q: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa pa sa "Reyna".
A: Bishop Bacani.
Q: Mas mababa pa sa "Bishop".
A: Johnny Midnight (Knight).
Q: Mas mababa pa sa "Knight".
A: Jerry Pons (Pawns)?
Q: O ayan na ha. Nabanggit mo na ang lahat ng piyesa. Yung kahulihulihang piyesa na lang.
A: Sylvia la Torre

***

Q: Sino ang National Hero na naka-picture sa 500-peso bill? Clue: Ang initials niya ay "N.A." (Ninoy Aquino).
A: Nora Aunor.
Q: Hindi, ang last letter ng kaniyang palayaw ay "Y".
A: Guy Aunor?
Q: Hindi, dati siyang naging Senador.
A: The former Senator Nora Aunor.
Q: Hindi, patay na siya!
A: Patay na si Nora Aunor?!!

***

Emcee : Ano ang national animal ng Pilipinas? It begins with the letter K.
(Kalabaw)
Brainless : Kuto!
MC : Mali! Sa lupa ito gumagalaw, hindi sa ulo.
BL : Kutong-lupa?

***

MC : Ano ang national animal ng Australia? It begins with the letter K.
(Kangaroo)
BL : Kalabaw!
MC : Mali! It ends with the letter O.
BL : Kabayo!
MC : Mali pa rin! Tumatalon-talon ito.
BL : Kuneho!
MC : Mali pa rin! It ends with double-O.
BL : KunehO-O?

***

MC : Ano ang national dress ng Pilipinas with the letters B and S? (Baro at
Saya)
BL : Blouse and skirt!

***

Q: Ano ang pambansang kasuotan ng mga kababaihan? B.S. ang initials
A: Bathing Suit?
Q: Hindi, tagalog ito.
A: Blusa at Sando?
Q: Mali. E, sa kalalakihan naman, ano ang tawag sa kasuotan. B rin ang simula.
A: Brief?
Q: Hindi, mas manipis pa ito...
A: Bikini brief?

***

MC : Sino ang national hero ng Pilipinas? The initials are JPR. (Dr. Jose P.
Rizal)
BL : Jeric P. Raval!
MC : Mali! He is a doctor.
BL : Dr. Jeric P. Raval?

***

MC : Sino ang tinaguriang concert queen ng Pilipinas with initials PF? (Pops Fernandez)
BL : Pernando Foe!
MC : Mali! Queen nga, e, di babae!
BL : Mrs. Pernando Foe --- si Susan Roces.

***

MC : Sino ang pumatay kay Magellan? Initials niya ay LL. (LapuLapu)
BL : Lito Lapid!
MC : Mali! Inuulit ang pangalan.
BL : Lito Lito!
MC : Mali pa rin! First name lang.
BL : LotLot!
MC : Hindi! Mas mahaba iyon.
BL : LotLot ... and Friends?

***

MC : Sino ang ating bayaning tinaguriang "Ang Dakilang Lumpo" with the
initials AM? (Apolinario Mabini)
BL : Si Alma Moreno!
MC : Mail! Lalaki iyon.
BL : Si Mr. Alma Moreno?
MC : Mali! Patay na iyon.
BL : Ha? Namatay na si Alma Moreno?

***

MC : Ano ang kaharap ng writer sa trabaho na nagsisimula sa letter M?
(Makinilya)
BL : Money!
MC : Hindi! Ginagamitan ito ng mga daliri.
BL : Manicure?
MC : Mali pa rin. Ito ay may ribbon.
BL : Manika!
MC : Mali na naman. Ito ay may maraming letters.
BL : Mailbox!
MC : Hindi. Ito ay may kulay.
BL : Mens!

***

MC : Ano ang tawag sa gamit na pang-hapagkainan na bilog at kadalasa'y gawa
sa ceramic o porcelain at nagsisimula
sa letter P? (Plato)
BL : Platito!
MC : Mali! Mas malaki ito kesa sa platito.
BL : Palanggana?
MC : Mali pa rin! Ginagamit ito sa pagkain.
BL : Pustiso!

***

MC : After one year, ipinagdiriwang ito tulad ng "Unang A "? (Anibersaryo)
BL : Away!
MC : Mali. Ito ay may kinalalaman sa inyong relasyon bilang mag-asawa.
BL : Annulment.
MC : Mali na naman. Ito ay patunay sa inyong matamis na pagsasama.
BL : Aneymoon!
MC : Mali uli. Sa 25 years, ang tawag ay silver. Sa 50 years, golden.
BL : Alahas!
MC : Hindi. Para dito, kadalasan may handaan.
BL : Apunan!

***

MC : For movie publicity, ito ay pagpupulong with reporters at may mga
letrang PC? (Press Conference)
BL : Philippine Constabulary!
MC : Mali. May pagkain dito.
BL : Ponge Cake!
MC : Hindi. May mga reporters nga na sumusulat para sa movie magazine.
BL : Pilipino Classics!
MC : Hindi. First word is Press.
BL : Pres Cory!

***

MC : Si Inday Badiday ay tinaguriang Reyna ng . It starts with the letter I. (Intrigue)
BL : I to I!
MC : Mali. Ito ay source ng mga away.
BL : Isnaban!
MC : Hindi. Ginagamit ito ng ibang mga artista at producers para kumita ang kanilang pelikula.
BL : Interview!
MC : Hindi! Ito ay nakakainis!
BL : Insekto!

***

Q: Anong pambansang damit sa lalaki?
Starts with the letter "B" (Barong) GO!
A: Bahag?
Q: Hindi, may malaki pa dito sa bahag
A: Baggie

***

Q: What is the national food of the Philippines? Starts with letter "L" (sagot=Lechon) GO!
A: Laing!
Q: Hindi! Baboy ang ginagamit sa pagluluto!
A: Ginisang baboy sa laing?!!

***

Q: Sino ang nanalo ng Miss Universe 1994 na ginanap sa Manila? Clue: Indian siya. GO!
A: Indiana Jones!
Q: Hindi! Ang initials ng name niya ay SS (Sushimita Sen)!
A: Stella Strada!
Q: Hindi, buhay pa siya.
A: Stella Suarez?!
Q: Hindi siya bold star!
A: Ah, Senator Shahani!

***

Q: Pag ikaw ay nalunod, ginagawa ito sa iyo. Clue: M---- to m---- resuscitation (Mouth to mouth resuscitation). GO!
A: Man to man resuscitation?
Q: Hindi, ang simula nito ay isang bahagi ng mukha, at ginagawa ito para ikaw ay makahinga.
A: Nose-to-nose resuscitation?
Q: Hindi, mas mababa pa sa nose.
A: Neck-to-neck resuscitation.
Q: Hindi pa rin. Basta nga, resuscitation ang ginagawa sa iyo at bibig ang ginagamit.
A: Graded oral resuscitation! (Graded oral recitation)

***

Q: Dugtungan ang mga sumusunod na pangungusap (fill in the blank)
"kapag may aklat, ______". Clue, starts with the letter "S" (sikat) GO!
A: Sosyal! Kapag may aklat, Sosyal!
Q: Hinde, ang synonym nito ay hinahangaan ka ng mga tao o fans kagaya kay Nora Aunor
A: Superstar! Kapag may aklat, Superstar!
Q: Hinde, ang kaparehong kahulugan nito sa ingles ay famous.
A: Sip-sip! Kapag may aklat, Sip-sip!
Q: Hinde, ang kaparehong kahulugan rin nito sa ingles ay Sunrise.
A: Sunshine! Kapag may aklat, Sunshine!
Q: Hinde nga eh! other word ng Sunshine sa pilipino?
A: ST! Kapag may aklat, ST!

***

Q: Dugtungan ang mga sumusunod na pangungusap (fill in the blank)
"You’re nothing but a second rate. Trying hard, copy ____". Clue, starts with the letter "C" (cat) GO!
A: Cuneta! "You’re nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copy Cuneta".
Q: Hinde, madalas ito ang dahilan sa ang mga bata ay nagkakasakit dahil sa kanyang mga balahibo.
A: Corikong! "You’re nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copy Corikong".
Q: Hinde sabi, Madalas ay pagala-gala sa mga kalye at sa kalsada.
A: Cop! "You’re nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copy Cop".
Q: Hinde, ito’y madalas hinahabol ng aso.
A: Cartero! "You’re nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copy Cartero".

***

H: Ano ang Pambansang isda ng Phils.?
(Note: correct answer is Bangus/Milkfish)
C: Pating?!
H: Mali! O eto ang clue: "Ito ay nagsisimula sa letrang "B".
C: Balyena!?
H: Mali na naman! Another clue, 100 times na mas maliit sa balyena.
C: Alam ko na!...BUTETE!!

***

H: Ano ang 2 + 2? (Note: correct answer is 4)
C: Tri ?!
H: Mali! O eto ang clue: "Taasan mo ng konti".
C: (in a higher tone) TRI?!!

***

H: Unang tanong, "What is the national tree of the Philippines? I'll give you a clue, it starts with letter "N"." ("Narra" is the answer)
C: "Niyog!"
H: "Another clue, mas matigas pa diyan!"
C: (In a strong-sounding voice) "NIYOG!!!"

Is Peso Really Rising?

Rejoice Kabayan this year, 2007, marks a wonderful year for the Philippine economy, the peso increase to it's highest value for this century. From 50+ per dollar at the start of 2001, now it's only 46+.

Wow! Philippine government must have done well amidst the low outcome of other Asian countries.

Our Kabayan must now be benefiting from this economic progress! But is this the reality.

I'm an OFW, like many Filipino, who want a better life for our family. It seems; when peso increase our earning decrease. Why? Here's an example: 2006 when i leave Philippines the peso vs dollar rate is at 50+/1 peso and the gasoline price is almost 40 per liter. The exchange rate of SAR (saudi currency) to peso is 14.01/1 peso. (RP gov said economy is down)

After almost a year (11 months actually) peso increased it's value: dollar is now 46.60/1 peso (as of last nite) it also affect other currency exchange. Now SAR-1.00 is Php-12.20 that's 13% value decrease of an OFW earnings (now RP gov said the economy is good). Yet our family complains about the expensive commodities back home.

Why is that so? I am not a financial analyst just an ordinary OFW, having an ordinary job with an average earnings. Is it really the peso that's increasing it's value or is it the dollar declining.

Here's a headline (May 21, 2007) from Arab News a leading newspaper in KSA: Kuwait Abandons Dinar Peg to US Dollar. It says:

"Kuwait has abandoned pegging its currency to the US dollar and returned to linking it to a basket of currencies"..... "The fall of the exchange rate of the US dollar has “contributed to local inflation,”....."The falling US dollar has had “negative effects” on the Kuwaiti economy for the last two years"....."the move was “necessary in national interest,” (read the full story here)

Yes, the reason is the dollar's decline that's dragging down the Philippine economy and making OFW earnings more painful.

A rich oil base country like Kuwait complaining about the inflation that the dollar decline bring. This is alarming! Don't you think so? Hope that our government would also make a statement like this (and i quote) "the move was “necessary in national interest". When will be the day? I know this time would come! (cross your fingers) I still believe in our officials!

Mark Your Place To The Map

I notice that Filipinos are fond at exploring maps (i know i am ^_^). This is specially, if your new to the place and want to know your way around.

Now using satellite imaging of the globe, the use of map is much simpler than the conventional way. Today using GSM finding the right road to your destination is as easy as 1 2 3.

Many software provider have their own online mapping guides like Google Map, Yahoo Map, Map Quest, Multi Maps and Maps.com.

One map provider would let you mark/tag you place to their map. Wikimapia lets you browse and located your place. Then lets you tag your location. Interesting!



Ok this is how it work.

First click on the image above, scroll using click and drag, to navigate yourself. Locate your place. You could also use the pan arrow button (located at the top left portion of the map). Zoom in to find the specific location.

Now that you located your place, just click the "Add place" red button above the pan arrow. A box will appear on the map, drag it to your specific desired location, adjust the size of the box using the mouse. Once you have it in place, click save, a new window will appear for the information about the tag you created (click the proper category of the place, also provide the title and description of the tag). Click save!

That's it! You can also add comment about the tag you created. Just click the tagged box. Don't hesitate to mark your place, the map is getting crowded with people tagging their place.

Internet Scam To Look-out

The boom of internet came opportunity to make online business and meet people from different part of the globe. But all good things have a negative side, internet is not an exception. Many con-artist strive to create hoax for gullible people.

The most popular internet scam is the Phishing scam it sounded like fishing (cuz it is). These are identity theft. This type of scam target you online information like user name and password, online credit card or bank transactions. The most common target companies are ebay and paypal. If you do any transaction online, be aware of unknown offer, always validate from the mother company.

Another is the Email Lottery Scam, mostly these are spam to you email, claim you won a huge amount of money then ask for private information. Another type like this is the green card lottery of US that are send to your inbox.

The most obvious scam is the Nigerian Scams or 419 Scam, these are random emails, other send it through fax and ordinary mails asking help. The letter usually introduce a person that came from a wealth or prominent family with huge cash on their bank account. They would ask some cash to help them escape the government that's holding their money and in return would give a substantial amount for the help you gave.

Even job applicants are not safe! There are also Payment Transfer Job Scam, yes there are people being victimized by this type of scam. I know a Pinay care giver who fall victim (i won't tell who she was =) These are websites that offer assistance to process employment to other country, this scam artist would even call if you gave your number. Another type of scam like this is Investment Money Transfer Scam or htpe scam.

Dating Scam is also on the list. They are on internet dating sites waiting for their prey. This scam artist have good looks (they pick their pictures from modeling sites), good profile, good personality, friendly, caring and intelligent almost perfect to be true. Mostly they volunteer to developing country but later on once your emotionally attached they would ask for assistance for fund.

The last few scam list looks easy to notice as hoax (an intelligent person like you would intantly notice) but many people still fall victim to them. I almost forgot another is the growing scam from work at home offers or Home Business sites. Sometimes it's hard to figure the real from the hoax. My only advice "if its good to be true it's not real" or the famous line from Ken Evoy "don't shoot before you look"!

For your free screen saver click here:

Free 3D Koi Fish Screensaver from Screensavers.com!

Pinoy foods to missed

One year away from Philippines makes me recall the food that make me feel a true Pinoy. Every person have unique identity, but being a Filipino away from home (Philippines) makes me want for food I grow up with.

Starting with breakfast of tuyo with fried rice and vinegar for sawsawan. Or the famous egg pair meals of tapsilog, longsilog, and many other's "__silogs" i can't remember the other pair. If not with rice breakfast alternatives are pandesal dipped in hot coffee or puto with it's counter part kutsinta, bibingka, suman, sapin-sapin, and lots more kakanins to choose.

Lunch time to savor to deserts of halo-halo, chicharon, choc-nut, dirty ice cream, ripe mango or green mango dip in hot and spicy bagoong. After desert it's time for noontime show then siesta time (lunch nap).

Merienda of banana que, camote que, maruya, boiled saba, pansit with sardines as sahog, spaghetti with banana catsup as sauce and hotdog. Other merienda are fishballs, or "KFC stalls" (Kikiam, Fishball sa Canto) and kwek-kwek (duck eggs or penoy covered with yellow flour).

In the evening it's balut or pinoy, in the street corner BBQ stalls offer different parts of chicken, like adidas, helmet with it's neck, isaw also isaw of pork and even sebo of beef.

Hhmmm...Pinoy foods really makes me think of home. Though they say it's dirty and bad for the health, Pinoy still patronize this kind of food, the reason might be the cheap price or this foods fits Filipino taste. Anyway i look at it this foods makes me think more of home.

Parental Wisdom - Filipino Style

Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga mumunti ngunit Ginintuang butil na payo na nakuha ko sa aking mga magulang.

(Read along.....for laughs only)

Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

"Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga Leche kayo,kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."

***

Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay:

"Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa uniform, magdasal ka na!"

***

Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC:

"Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."

***

At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto ng MORE LOGIC:

"Pag ikaw nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang Manonood ng sine."

***

Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY:

"Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"

***

Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM:

"Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!"

***

Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin Ng STAMINA:

"Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga't di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!"

***

At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER:

"Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, Parang dinaanan ng bagyo!"

***

Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin sa mundong ito."

***

Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

"Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang umarte na parang Nanay mo!"

***

Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS:

"Nagmana ka nga talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!"

***

Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig Sabihin ng ENVY:

"Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang. Di ba kayo Nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"

***

Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng

ANTICIPATION:

"Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!"

***

At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig Sabihin ng RECEIVING:

"Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"

***

Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR:

"Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, Wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"

***

At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano ang JUSTICE:

"Balang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak...tiyak magiging katulad mo at magiging sakit din sa ulo!"

Sisig, best served HOT!

Aside from Pansit, one dish that is purely Pinoy is Sisig. It originated in Pampanga, as sisig is a term which means to snack on something sour. It usually refers to fruits, often unripe or half-ripe, sometimes dipped in salt and vinegar. It also refers to a method of preparing fish and meat, especially pork, which is marinated in a sour liquid such as lemon juice or vinegar, then seasoned with salt, pepper and other spices.

The Spanish era, sisig or mapanyisig (someone who is fond of snacking sour food) is a common practice for women relieve the discomfort of early states of pregnancy, Sisig at this time is compose of fruits dipped in vinegar and salt. As the pregnancy progresses, the expectant mother would prepare different version of sisig, like boiled pig's ears and tail then dipped in vinegar. The crunchy texture of the cartilage is beilieved to make the growing fetus' bones stronger. But over the year, Sisig became the favorite snack for men on drinking spree.

The town of Baligabo, Angeles Pampanga, celebrate a fiesta every December for this famous dish. On May 2003, the first Giant Sizzling Sisig Festival was launched, a huge 16ft x 32ft by a quarter inch steel plate is specially produce for this even. (now this this Pinoy hospitality)

With all this said, now make your own sisig with this recipe from Good News Pilipinas.

Ingredients:
Approx. 1/2 pig's head, quartered
8 cups water
2 cups pineapple juice
1 tbsp whole black peppercorn
4 pcs chicken liver
1 tbsp iodized salt

Seasoning:
1 cup white onion, chopped
1/4 cup sukang puti
1/4 cup calamansi juice
salt and pepper to taste
siling labuyo, optional

Procedure:
In a stockpot, place water, pineapple juice, salt, peppercorn, chicken liver and pig's head. Cover stockpot and bring to a boil until meat becomes tender, approximately 30 minutes. Remove meat from stockpot and allow to cool to room temperature. Debone and put in bamboo skewers together with chicken liver. Grill over charcoal until skin becomes brown and crisp. Cut the pork and liver into small cubes. Mix the seasoning and serve on a hot skillet.

Pahabol: in the absence of pig's head, substitute with 1 kilo bagnet or lechon kawali. It will be a knockout just the same.

Some of this ingredients can be change, as Sisig is evolving; other serve squid sisig, tuna sisig, milkfish sisig, chicken sisig and my favorite leimpo sisig.

Now writing this makes me wanna eat again. Yummy...happy Chow!

**Note: Image from Shane Jaducana.

Tagalog jokes (collection 2)

Second collection of Filipino funny jokes for your laughing pleasures kabayan.


Ang I LOVE YOU!"

Mga salitang madaling bitawan pero mahirap panindigan. Masarap paniwalaan pero mahirap asahan.

Higit sa lahat… nagdadala ng sobrang kaligayahan, lalo na kung sex ang dahilan!

***

Mahirap kumatok sa pusong nasugatan na…

Minsan, katok ka nang katok pero nakasara pa rin… hanggang sa napagod ka na.

Ang hindi mo alam… ang kinakatok mo… may kasamang iba sa kuwarto!

***

What’s good about being single?

You can always flirt with anyone. You can go anywhere without someone talking behind your back.

You can do whatever you want.

And what’s best about being single?

Wala kang biyenang matapobre!

***

I was planning to kill the cutest person on earth, then I realized…

Suicide ‘yun, di ba?

***

Mahirap magsabi ng, "Sorry." Mahirap magsabi ng, "Mahal kita."

Mahirap magsabi ng, "Kailangan kita."

Pero pinakamahirap talagang sabihin ‘yung, "Nakapagpapabagabag ang tulay ng Malakabakab!"

Subukan mo.

***

Minsan, akala mo yata, hindi kita naaalala. Minsan, akala mo yata, hindi kita nami-miss.

Minsan, akala mo yata, binalewala kita. Pero akala mo lang ‘yun!

Ikaw pa?!

:::::

Sino ka nga ulit?!

***

Paano mo sasabihin sa isang girl na maitim ang kili-kili niya without being offensive?

Ganito…

"Miss, hulaan ko kung ano ang deodorant mo… Kiwi?"

***

Marvin: Pare, nasusuka ako. Kaya lang, hindi ako masuka.

Joshue: Madali lang ‘yun, pare. Sundutin mo ang tonsil mo.

Marvin: (sinundot ang tonsil) Hindi pa rin, pare, eh…

Joshue: Subukan mong sundutin ang puwet mo.

Marvin: (sinundot ang puwet) Ayaw pa rin!

Joshue: Ngayon, saka mo isundot uli sa bibig mo…

***

Love is not finding someone to go to bed with, but finding someone you want to wake up in the morning… naked…

So, parang ganu’n din, di ba?

***

10 PAINFUL THINGS:

Bringing back the feeling you’ve learned to forget

Reminiscing the good times

Trying to hide what you really feel

Loving someone who loves another

Having a commitment with someone that you know wouldn’t last

Shielding your heart

Loving somebody

Loving a person too much

Right love at the wrong time

Taking risk to fall in love again

Bihis na bihis ka na, tapos, hindi ka pala kasama?!

***

Ang puso ko, parang apartment. Marami nang tumira, pero umaalis din pag nagsawa na.

Ngayong dumating ka, itatanong ko lang sana… "Dito ka ba titira? O overnight ka rin tulad ng iba?"

***

If your world is spinning ROUND & ROUND, and your heart is beating FAST… do you think you’re in love?

:::::

Huwag kang mag-ilusyon.

HIGH BLOOD ka!

***

Have you seen a person with a killer smile, innocent eyes, sweet face, irresistible body and devastating sex appeal?

Sa Tagalog:

"Nakita mo na ba ako?!"

***

Justin: Pare, nakita ko, kasama ng best friend ko ‘yung girlfriend ko. Holding hands pa nu’ng pumasok sa sinehan!

Dario: Sinundan mo ba?

Justin: Hindi na. Napanood ko na ‘yung panonoorin nila, eh!

***

Minamalat na naman ang puso ko… dahil parating isinisigaw ang pangalan mo!

***

Kapag may problema ka, lapitan mo ako.

Hindi kita iiwan.

Yayakapin kita nang mahigpit at ibubulong ko sa ‘yo, "Andito lang ako… Isinasabit ko ang lubid na gagamitin mo. Wait lang!

Huwag kang excited."

***

Sa buhay ng isang relasyon, maraming pagsubok ang daraanan.

Pwedeng masira ang samahan sa walang kadahilanan, pero ang masakit, ‘yung nangakong walang iwanan…

Pero sa romansa, wala namang itatagal!

***

What’s the difference between a high school girl and a college girl?

High school girl: "Shit, meron ako!"

College girl: "Yes! Meron na ‘ko! Kinabahan ako ru’n, ah?!"

***

Nagkita kami ng angel mo. Kinumusta kita.

Sabi niya, swerte niya sa ‘yo. Bukod sa mabait ka raw, sweet at cute pa!

Smile lang ako… dahil umaga pa lang… lasing na ang angel mo!

***

If you ears itch, someone is thinking of you. If you eyes itch, someone wants to see you.

If your lips itch, it means someone likes to kiss you. If your body itches… dapat, maligo ka na!

***

Tanong ng tuta sa nanay niyang aso, "Nanay, sino po ba ang tatay ko?"

Sagot ng nanay na aso, "Ewan ko, anak. Hindi ko nakilala… Nakatalikod kasi ano nu’n, eh."

***

Girl: Hayop ka! Matapos mong ipasubo at ipa-blow sa akin… ipuputok mo pa sa mukha ko?!

Boy: Hindi ko na mapigilan, eh!

Girl: Hmph… bumili ka nga uli ng plastic balloon!

***

Uri ng kulangot sa ilong…

HARD TO GET: ang hirap kunin; nagdudugo na ang ilong mo, ayaw pa

EASY TO GET: isang sundot lang, kuha na

CAN’T BE REACHED: sobrang layo, hindi talaga maabot ng cotton buds

HIDE & SEEK: kuha na eh tatakas pa, ayaw makisama

KULANG SA PANSIN: padungaw-dungaw, gusto pang ma-discover ng iba

PA-PAMPAM: singa ka nang singa, akala mo’y nasa loob, nasa mukha mo na pala

***

SALAWIKAIN 2007:

Kapag maiksi ang kumot, sa baby ipagamit.

Papunta ka pa lang… Sige, ingat!

Ang taong naglalakad nang mabilis, tumatakas.

Laging nasa huli ang pinakamatangkad.

Kapag may usok, kawawa ang may hika.

Kapag may usok, mas maganda ang show dahil may special effects.

When the cat is away, sabihin mo lang ‘wiss wiss wiss’ para lumapit.

***

"Huwag mo akong sisihin kung cold man ako dahil hindi naman ako magmamatigas kung binigyan mo lang sana ako ng konting importansya!" – KANING LAMIG

***

"Hindi kita pinabayaan. Sinamahan kita kahit sa panaginip. Ngayong nagising ka na sa katotohanan, bigla mo na lang ba akong aalisin sa buhay mo?!" – MUTA

***

"Bigyan mo naman ako ng kahit katiting na importansya. Ang lagay eh kung kalian mo lang ma-trip-an, saka mo lang ako papansinin? Hindi mo alam ang paghihirap na dinaranas ko sa ‘yo!" – INIDORO

***

Mister: Hon, bakit ka umiiyak?

Misis: Kasi, simula nang magka-cellphone ka, napabayaan mo na ako. Hu! Hu! Hu!

Mister: Pambihira ka! Pati cellphone, pinagseselosan mo?!

Mister: Eh kasi, may iba nang libangan ang daliri mo! Hu! Hu! Hu! Hu! Hu!

***

Alarm clock ka ba?

:::::

Kasi, ginigising mo ang natutulog kong puso.

***

May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo?

:::::

Kasi, kapag kausap kita… humihinto ang oras, eh.

***

May mga pagkakataon na kailangan mong iwan ang mahal mo, pero hindi ito nangangahulugan na iiwan mo siya dahil hindi mo na MAHAL… kundi bawal lang ang girls sa CR ng boys.

***

Darating ang panahon, mamamatay tayong lahat. Pupunta tayo sa langit, di ba?

Sino ang unang papasukin?

Ikaw? Ako? Sila?

Syempre… sila!

Kasi, mag-iinuman pa tayo. Despedida muna!

***

Claudia: Balita ko, may bago kang manliligaw.

Anita: Meron nga.

Claudia: At sabi mo pa raw eh Fil-Am ‘yun. Swerte mo!

Anita: Anong ikinaswerte ko?

Claudia: Fil-Am siya, eh!

Anita: Filipinong may Amoy ‘yun, ‘no?!

***

Myrna: Ano ba ‘yung BILINGUAL?

Loida: ‘Yun ‘yung may alam na dalawang language. Halimbawa, marunong nang mag-Tagalog, marunong pang mang-English.

Myrna: Akala ko eh dalawa ng dila.

Loida: Ang sarap sanang magpadila sa ganu’n.

***

"When you want to make a difference… subtract."

In a normal person, the heart beats 70 times a minute, 100,800 times a day, 40 million times a year! During a single day, a ventricle pumps about 11,000 quarts or 265 million quarts a lifetime.

RELEVANCE? Ang SIPAG ng heart!

Pero… shit! Tanga naman…

***

"Hindi ako DINOSAUR! Hindi! Hindi! Hindi!" – THESAURUS

***

"Hindi lahat ng almusal ay nakabubusog." – SERMON

***

Ang buhay ko ay parang seesaw… I’m down kapag wala ka.

***

Adora: Mare, kumusta ang sexlife ninyo ni pare?

Lourdes: Parang suweldo sa opisina, tuwing kinsenas at katapusan lang. Kaya madalas na bumabale ako sa mga kaibigan niya!

***

HONEYMOON…

Groom: Hon, ok lang bang pasukin ko ang hindi pa napapasok ng iba?

Bride: Ha? Hindi kaya mabingi ako?

***

Ella: Bakit ganito ang ibinigay mong Valentine card? Bilog ang disenyo sa halip na puso… Parang BUTAS ito, ah?

Mael: Butas nga ‘yan, love! Dahil ang Valentine’s Day ay Araw ng Butasan!

Ella: Sana, araw-araw eh Valentine’s Day!

***

VINE TEA

:::::

Want to know about VINE TEA?

What is VINE TEA?

Vine Tea is actually… the sukli when you have P50 to load P30.

***

Natatandaan mo pa ba ‘yung ad ng Tanduay? "NAKATIKIM KA NA BA NG KINSE AÑOS?"

Mahalay ang dating, ‘di ba?

Paano kung gumawa rin ang Gran Matador Brandy? "NAKATIKIM KA NA BA NG GRANMA?"

Mas mahalay, ‘di ba?

***

"Ganyan ba talaga ang tingin mo sa akin? Kailangan mo lang ako kapag nag-iinit ang katawan mo?!" – THERMOMETER

***

Umorder si Pacquiao sa Starbucks…

Pacquiao: Coffee, please!

Barista: Would you like your coffee black?

Pacquiao: (nag-isip) Hmmnn… what other colors do you have pa ba?

***

Humahangos si Boy Onse, "Inay, may trabaho na ako!"

"Talaga? Saan?" usisa ng hindi makapaniwalang ina.

"Sa office of the mayor!" tugon ng anak. "Tagasigaw ng MABUHAY sa kampanya."

***

Masarap tumawa kahit naiiyak ka na…

Masarap mag-joke kahit nahihirapan ka…

Masarap magsaya kahit hindi mo na kaya…

Ganyan pag problemado… di ba?

Pati sarili mo, pinaplastik mo na…

***

Pacquioa interview about politics.

Reporter: What do you think about the peace and order?

Manny: (Nag-isip ng mabuti) Ahhhh….! Madaming PESH ang nahuhuli sa dagat! Pero ngayon eh matumal ang ORDER.

***

Roda: Mare, kailangan na yatang bumili ako ng panibagong pills. Kasi, baka mabuntis ako.

Josephine: Di ba, nagpatali na ang mister mo?

Roda: Oo, mare, kaya hindi ako dapat mabuntis.

***

Tinanong ng binatang palaka ang psychic na palaka kung ano ang mangyayari sa kanya sa hinaharap.

"You will meet a beautiful girl who will hold you so tight and will want to know everything about you!" sabi ng psychic na palaka.

Na-excite ang binatang palaka at nagtanong muli, "Sa party ko ba siya makikilala?"

Sagot ng psychic na palaka, "Hindi! Magkikita kayo sa Biology class niya!"

***

Junior: Nag-lesson po kami tungkol sa mga manok?

Tatay: Madali ba?

Junior: Chicken na chicken po. Sisiw pa nga, eh!

Tatay: Anong score mo?

Junior: Itlog po.

***

Tomas: Totoo bang may side effect ang Viagra?

Diego: Tanga! Walang epekto ‘yun sa side… sa harap lang!

***

Misis: Bakit gabi ka na?

Mister: Pasensya na. Nagyaya ang officemates ko. Nagkainuman lang.

Misis: Lasing ka, ‘no?!

Mister: Hindi!

Misis: Anong hindi?! Wala ka namang trabaho, paano ka nagkaroon ng officemates?

***

My nights are becoming sleepless. My days are becoming restless.

So I asked my angel, "Is this love?"

And my angel said, "Love? Haller?! Naka-drugs ka kaya?!"

***

I believe in signs, serendipity, destiny, love at first sight, soulmates, eternal love et cetera…

Kaya eto… hangang ngayon Single pa!

***

Masarap ang pakiramdam kapag may ka-"I love you" ka… kikiligin… sabay sabi ng, "Ingat!"

Pero kung wala… Ano ngayon?!

Pwede namang… "I LOVE ME! INGAT AKO!"

***

I hate you! Don’t ask me why and say sorry! Kalimutan mo na lang na nagkakilala tayo. Don’t text back! You got it?

:::::

Praktis lang…

Miss lang kita kaya nag-e-emote ako!

***

Hindi masusukat ang pagmamahal ng tao sa mga mamahaling regalo at engrandeng dates.

Mahal ka ng tao kapag bagong gising ka at parang pang-Afro ang buhok mo, tapos, namuo pa ang tulo ng laway sa pisngi mo at puno ng muta ang mata mo, at nang makita ka niya ay eto ang sasabihin niya sa ‘yo…

"Ang pangit mo talaga… pero ‘yang itsura na ‘yan ang gusto kong makita tuwing umaga!" Tapos KISS sabay HUG

***

Mahirap magmahal nang patago. Kasi, baka mahalin ka rin niya nang patago.

Kung ganu’n din lang, huwag na kayong magmahalan.

Magtaguan na lang kayo!

***

Minsan, gusto ko nang sumuko dahil sa mga problema. Minsan, gusto ko nang matulog nang walang gisingan.

Pero na-realize ko na dapat lumaban… dahil sayang…

"Ang cute ko pa naman!"

***

FAMOUS LINES

"Biktima rin kami ng abortion." –BALUT

"Hindi lahat ng maasim, may Vitamin C." – KILI-KILI

"Huwag mo akong bilugin!" – KULANGOT

"Paano tayo makabubuo kung hindi ako papatong sa ‘yo?" – LEGO

"Hindi lahat ng klase ng dugo, pwedeng i-donate." – REGLA

"Bakit mo ako binibitin kung kailan kainitan at basambasa ako?" – SINAMPAY

***

Ang puso ko, parang apartment. Marami nang tumira, pero umaalis din pag nagsawa na.

Ngayong dumating ka, itatanong ko lang sana… "Dito ka ba titira? O overnight ka rin tulad ng iba?"

***

Kapag hindi mo na kayang nakikita siyang may iba na… praktikal lang na magbago, umiwas, lumayo.

Kaya kung tatanungin ka niya, "Bakit ka ganyan, inano ba kita?" — sagutin mo, "Wow! Nasasaktan ako! Bulag ka ba?!"

***

If ever you have any problem, come to me. I’ll help you.

If you don’t have any problem, come to me anyway.

Gagawa tayo ng problema. After all… what are friends for?

***

Honeymoon…

Groom: Hon, bakit malungkot ka? Hindi ka ba masaya na pinakasalan kita maski dati kang GRO?

Bride: Iniisip ko lang, hon… tuwing magtatalik tayo, hindi mo na ako babayaran. Sayang din kasi…

***

Isinugod sa ospital ang isang lalaki na nasunog ang dalawang hita…

Dok: Nars, i-dextrose mo. Tapos, antibiotic, burn cream at Viagra every 8 hours.

Nars: Viagra, dok?

Dok: Para hindi sumayad ‘yung kumot sa sugat.

***

Nag-away ang Puso at Utak…

Puso: Delete mo na siya! Stupid!

Utak: Nagmamarunong ka pa riyan! How would I discard that person if I see you bleed everytime I try?

***

T: Bakit ang utak ay nasa ulo at ang puso ay nasa dibdib?

S: Pangit kasing tingnan kapag in-love ka eh tumitibok ang noo mo… at ang laswa naman kapag nag-iisip ka eh hinihimas mo ang dede mo!

***

After season 2 of Big Brother! Nag-brain storming ang writer ng show.

Next season abangan! New reality show na gawang Pinoy!

24 house mates sa loob ng 1 bahay, 200 days!

12 Team Unity senators, vs 12 Genuine Opposition senators, sa Bahay ni Kuya.

Ang titulo:

PINOY BIG PROBLEM!

***

Titser: Class, draw a fish!

Class: Yes, ma’am!

Titser: Juan, why is your drawing very dirty and full of erasures?

Juan: Inihaw na tamban ‘yan, ma’am! Nasunog!

***

Filipino class…

Titser: Pedro, magbigay ka ng pangungusap na may tayutay…

Pedro: Ahem! ‘Ang tatay ay nadapa… TAYU, ‘TAY!

***

Ang saging, kapag berde, hilaw ‘yan. Kapag itim, sira ‘yan. Kapag basa sa loob, bulok ‘yan.

Pero kapag basa sa dulo… ay, sus! Friend, maniwala ka… di saging ‘yan!

***

Kapag maraming nang-aaway sa ‘yo, tawagin mo lang ako at sabay nating sabihin…

"Kapangyarihan ng taba, taglay ay mantika! Kambal na biik, kami ang… SUPER PIGS!"

***

In a normal person, the heart beats 70 times a minute, 100,800 times a day, 40 million times a year!

During a single day, a ventricle pumps about 11,000 quarts or 265 million quarts a lifetime.

Relevance?

Ang sipag ng heart!

Pero tanga naman!

***

Mahirap kang iwan. Mahirap kang saktan. Mahirap kang pabayaan. Mahirap kang paiyakin.

Mahirap ka ring patahanin.

Alam mo, isa lang naman ang madali sa ‘yo, eh. Madali kang malibugan.

***

Ang mag-asawa kelangan naghihiwalay para makapag-move on… dahil di madali makalimot… or ag-pretent…

Mahirap talaga, lalo na kung ang taong gusto mong kalimutan ay ‘yung taong laging hubo’t hubad sa ‘yong harapan!

***

Lito: Bakit sa Muntinlupa dinadala ang mga convict?

Ambo: Dahil lumiit ang lupa na kanilang ginagalawan.

***

I’ll wrap my arms around you and squeeze you tight till your eyes pop out and your bones break and your face turn blue…

That’s my morning hug… not sweet, but definitely breath-taking!

Mamatay ka sa sarap!

***

Tessie: Ang asawa ko ang da best! Hindi naninigarilyo! Hindi umiinom! Nasa bahay lang lagi!

Elvira: Parang santo pala siya?!

Tessie: Hindi! Paralisado ang gago!

***

Fr. Damaso: Ang mga bakla’y walang lugar sa kaharian ng langit!

Mga bading: Carry lang, Father! Doon na lang kami sa rainbow… mag-i-slide-slide ever!

***

Kung ni-reject ka ng taong mahal mo, huwag kang umiyak. Lumaban ka!

Isama mo ako at sabay nating sabihin, "Kapagyarihan ng araw, taglay ay liwanag, kambal na lakas, kami ang Super Twins!"

***

Maputi ang mag-asawang sina Tisoy at Tisay. Nang magsilang si Tisay ng kanilang panganay, ang sanggol ay maitim.

Nagduda si Tisoy. Pakiwari niya, nasilisihan siya.

"Bakit maitim ang sanggol?" usisa ni Tisoy kay Tisay.

Sagot ni Tisay, "Masyado kang mainit! Ako rin, mainit! Kaya si baby, nasunog!"

***

Marvin: Alam n’yo, pare, ang dali kong labasan! Biruin n’yo, foreplay pa lang, nilalabasan na ako!

Francis: Matagal pa ‘yan, pare! Ako, naghuhubad pa lang ang syota ko, nilalabasan na ako!

Joshue: Maghuhugas lang ako…

Marvin & Francis: Bakit?

Joshue: Makarinig lang kasi ako ng usapan sa sex, nilalabasan na ako!

***

Marlon: Mga ‘tol! Alam n’yo ba, sa 20 na naging syota ko, 18 ang nagalaw ko!

Arnel: Wala ‘yan! Sa 30 na naging syota ko, 27 ang nagalaw ko… puro virgin pa!

Obet: Panis ‘yan sa akin! More than 100 sa akin…

Arnel: Akala ko ba, sa bundok ka lumaki at puro hayop ang kasalamuha mo roon?

Obet: Bakit, sinabi ko bang tao sila?

***

Kapag mahal mo ang isang tao, lahat ay gagawin mo. Lahat ay tatanggapin mo.

Pero maitanong ko lang… Bakit kapag ang laway ng iba, tumalsik sa ‘yo, nandidiri ka? Pero kapag laway ng mahal mo, nilulunok mo pa?!

***

Nakita ng anak na habang nagsusuklay ang nanay niya ay may nahulog na puting buhok.

Anak: Inay, meron na pala kayong puting buhok?

Inay: Oo, anak. At ito’y kagagawan mo! Sa bawa’t kalokohan na ginagawa mo ay nagkakaroon ako ng puting buhok!

Anak: Ahh… kaya pala puti na lahat ang buhok ni lola!

***

Distance is never a reason to forget someone.

You know why?

Kasi, DISTANCE is always equal to VELOCITY x TIME. Wala namang ‘forgotten’ sa equation, di ba?

NAKS! Physics!

***

Sa loob ng police station…

Nene: Sir, hinoldap po kami at ni-rape ang lola ko…

Pulis: Lola, ano po ang masasabi ninyo?

Lola: Hindi na ako nahihirapang umihi ngayon…

***

Girlfriend: Honey, sa tingin mo ba, pangit ako?

Boyfriend: Of course not! Sa tingin ko, you have the face of a saint…

Girlfriend: (natuwa) Talaga? Sinong saint?

Boyfriend: St. Bernard!

***

Betty: Ayos po ‘yung education trip namin, Nanay! Nanood po kami ng ‘Peter Pan’ sa CCP.

Nanay: Talaga?

Betty: Enjoy na enjoy nga po si Tatay, eh!

Nanay: Aba, himala! Nag-enjoy ang tatay mo sa ballet?!

Betty: Sexy po kasi ‘yung gumanap na Tinkerbell. Panay nga po ang sipol ni Tatay, eh! Sanay na sanay sa beerhouse!

***

Corina: Ang sipag talagang manligaw ni Bobby sa ‘yo, ‘no?

Estela: Oo. Du’n lang siya masipag. Kuntik ko nang sagutin ‘yan nu’ng Pebrero. Blinakmeyl kasi ako. Sabi niya, kapag hindi ko raw siya sinagot, di raw niya iboboto si Chiz Escodero. Muntik na akong magpakamartir para sa bansa, mare!

***

Kandidato: Nagkawang-gawa na ako… nagpakumbaba, nanikluhod sa mga botante. Ano pang naiiba ang magagawa ko?

Supporters: Subukan ninyong magpapako sa krus!

***

Minsan, gusto ko nang bumitaw! Pero alam kong hindi tama ‘yun…

Alam kong masasaktan lang ako…

Kasi… nakasabit lang ako sa jeep.

***

Maligaya ang isang lalake kapag nakita niya ang kanyang anak na lalaki sa pabalat ng SPORTS magazine, ang kanyang anak na babae sa pabalat ng BUSINESS magazine, ang kanyang kulasisi sa pabalat ng GLAMOUR magazine… at ang kanyang misis sa MISSING section!

***

Hindi kita masisisi kung nakalimutan mo na ako. Kasi, alam ko, hindi na ako mahalaga sa ‘yo…

Nakatatawa, ‘no? Hanggang ngayon, eto ako, umaasa na sana, mabawi kita riyan sa zoo…

Ikaw kasi, eh! Nanga-ngagat ka… huwag ganu’n!

***

Ifugao: Mag-a-apply po akong sundalo, sir…

Officer: Hindi ka pwede! Ang dami mong sirang ngipin! Bungi ka pa!

Ifugao: Bakit, sir? Ang giyera ba ngayon, kagatan na?

***

I wrote your name in the sky… but the wind blew it away.

I wrote it in the sand… but the water washed it away.

So I wrote your name everywhere…

AYUN NA… akala nila, kandidato ka!

***

Anong kuwenta ng puso kung walang pagmamahal at nagmamahal?

Anong kuwenta ng buhay kung walang kasamang gumagabay?

Anong kuwento ng unlimited kung walang katext?

ASAR, di ba?!

***

Kung ang taong gusto mo ay mayroon nang iba, tandaan lang ang CONTINENTAL DRIFT THEORY:

"Kung ang pulo nga, naghihiwalay… sila pa kaya?!"

***

A CUTE THOUGHT:

"Kapag nahuli kang nakatingin sa kanya… lagi mong tandaan, hindi ka niya mahuhuli kung hindi ka rin niya tinitingnan!"

NAKS!

***

Sa likod ng mga ngiti, may mga luha.

Sa likod ng mga biro, nagtatago ang problema.

Hindi ka man laging tunay na masaya, lagi mong tatandaan… sa likod ng bawa’t tao, may puwet.

***

Lahat ng problema, may solusyon.

Kapag walang solusyon, huwag mo nang problemahin.

***

Sabi nila, mali ang magmahal nang sobra... ibigay ang lahat at hindi magtira, iparamdam nang buo at labis.

Siguro nga, lagi na lang akong mali… dahil kahit kailan, ayokong magmahal nang kulang.

***

Sawa ka na ba sa kasasabi sa mahal mo na, "Ako lang, please?"

Ngayon, ito naman ang sabihin mo:

"Ipinanganak akong walang kakambal… kaya mahalin mo ako nang walang karibal!"

***

Ang puso, napapagod din…

Napapagod maghintay, napapagod magtiis, napapagod magmahal, at napapagod ding masaktan.

Pagod ka na ba? Pahinga ka muna…

Hindi naman kailangan na laging may minamahal, ‘di ba?

***

I can be your…

AMPHETAMINE: to tell you, ‘wag kang susuko.

BENZODIAZEPINE: to tell you, ‘wag kang mag-alala.

ANTIPSYCHOTIC: to tell you, ‘wag kang sira.

ICA/MAOI/SSRI: to tell you, ‘wag ka nang malungkot.

LITHIUM CARBONATE: to tell you, hinay-hinay lang.

ANTICONVULSANT: to tell you, relax ka lang.

ANTIBIOTIC: to tell you, ipaglalaban kita.

ANALGESIC: to tell you, okey lang ‘yan, I’m here to relieve the pain.

MULTIVITAMINS: to tell you, ingat ka palagi.

But don’t worry… wala akong side effect!

***

Hindi ko masabing hindi ko kayang mabuhay nang wala ka. Kasi, nabuhay na ako bago pa kita nakilala.

Siguro, mas magandang sabihing…

"Ayokong mawala ka. Kasi, mas masarap mabuhay kasama ka."

***

Kung may mga oras na nalulungkot ka… mga oras na nalilito ka… mga oras na natatakot ka… mga oras na naiiyak ka… mga oras na natatawa ka…

PADOKTOR ka na! Delikado na ‘yan!

***

Nag-aaral sa isang American school ang anak ni Osama bin Laden.

Tinanong siya ng titser, "Paano mo hahatiin ang apat na mansanas sa limang bata?"

Sagot ng anak ni Bin Laden, "Patayin ang isang bata."

***

Radio host: Ilang taon na kayo, lolo? Mananawagan ba kayo?

Lolo: Opo. 98 na po ako.

Radio host: Wow! Ang tanda n’yo na pala! Sige po, manawagan na kayo!

Lolo: Kuya, umuwi ka na… hindi na galit si daddy sa ‘yo!

***

T: Bakit ang buhok sa ulo ay namumuti at ang sa ibaba ay hindi naman pumuputi?

S: Dahil ang buhok sa ulo ay puro problema, at ang buhok naman sa ibaba ay puro ligaya.

***

Na-feel mo na ba ‘yung akala mo, WALA LANG…

Friends lang kayo… tropa lang…

Tapos, isang araw, kausap mo siya at habang nakatitig ka… naisip mo na lang…

:::::

"Lagot! Memory gap! Sino ‘to?"

***

Pagdating sa LOVE, dapat patas ang laban.

Kapag inano ka, anuhin mo rin.

Kapag ayaw magpaano, huwag ka ring papaano.

Pero syempre, pagdating sa anuhan, pagbigyan mo na. Lalo na kung minsan lang.

Kesa naman iba pa ang anuhin niya.

Ikaw rin…

Baka isang araw, gustung-gusto mong magpaano… pero wala nang aano sa ‘yo.

Ang linaw, ano?!

***

I’ll be a friend who will always be at your side, but…

If one day, you haven’t found me… trust me, babalikan kita.

May cute lang akong nakita… susundan ko muna!

***

Sa isang liblib na baryo…

Anak: Itay, totoo po bang may multo?

Itay: Anak, kanino mo naman nalaman ‘yan?

Anak: Sa kapitbahay po natin…

Itay: Anak… wala tayong kapitbahay.

***

Alam mo ba ang tunay na halaga ng buhay?

:::::

Kasi… ako… hindi, eh.

***

T: Sino ang PINAKATANGANG BABAE na nabuhay sa sanlibutan?

S: Si Eba. Nakita na niyang hubo’t hubad si Adan, ‘yung mansanas pa ang isinubo! Di ba, tanga?!

***

E2 “May pitong baboy sa isang kahon.

Sa kahon, may 23 pares ng pato at isang pusa.

Ang isang pato ay kakain ng 56 na uod.

Pagkatapos, may 5 langgam…

Oh Relax! Don’t worry! Walang tanong!”

Hi lang!

***

Dating Doon Kontra-kontra:

Ang lumalakad nang matulin, kung matinik ay malalim.

MAGSAPATOS KA KASI!

Kapag may isinuksok, may madudukot.

SOBRA KA NA! NAKASUKSOK KA NA NGA, NANDUDUKOT KA PA?!

Aanhin pa ang damo kung patay na ang kabayo?

IBIGAY MO SA PULIS.

Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga?

PAANO NAMAN ANG KANIN?

Ang pag-aasawa’y hindi tulad ng kaning isinubo, nailuluwa kapag napaso.

NAMNAMIN MO KAHIT MAINIT; LALAMIG DIN ‘YAN. AT PAGLAMIG, HAHANAP KA PA NG MAS MAINIT.

***

Love? Parang COMPUTER GAME.

START sa simula. LOSE kapag nasaktan ka na. CONTINUE kapag may second chance. PAUSE kapag pagod na.

Pero ang pinakamasakit, GAME OVER kahit bitin!

***

Ang pagmamahal ay dumarating nang hindi inaasahan… Kung kailan at saan.

Pero minsan, kapag bumili ka sa tindahan, doon mo matatagpuan ang lalaking iyong matitipuhan… lalaking nakalalaglag ng panty sa kagwapuhan!

***

Isang gabi, naglalakad si Mark sa Balete Drive.

May narinig siya, "MARK! MARK!"

Lumingon siya. Walang tao.

"MARK! MARK!"

Tumakbo siya.

Pagdating sa kanto, nakita ni Mark ang isang babala, "BEWARE: NGONGONG ASO!"

***

Kapag K ka nang K, lalaki ang T mo, hindi kakasya sa P, kaya mag-J ka na lang!

Gets mo?

UULITIN KO!

Kapag kain ka nang kain, lalaki ang tiyan mo, hindi kakasya sa pants, kaya mag-jogging ka na lang!

***

Pinoy Talasalitaan

KALMOT: haplos ng nasasarapan

DAKMA: hawak ng sobra sa pagnanasa

DAHAS: pwersang pakiusap sa maarteng kausap

GAHASA: romansang walang ligawan

BATI: pagroromansa sa sarili sa pamamagitan ng kamay

MAHAL: damdaming nakabubuntis

O: sarap na pinipigil-pigil

OOH: sarap na hindi mapigil-pigil

OOOOHHH: sarap na sarap na hindi papipigil

HA HA HA HA: tawa ng manyakis na nagbabasa

***

Saan ba matatapos ang pagkakaibigan? Kapag iniwan ka na?

Kapag nawala na ang tiwala mo sa kanya, o kapag pinagnasaan mo na siya?

Sa init ba ng katawan, uso pa ang kai-kaibigan?

***

"Walang malayong kulangot sa mahabang kuko."

Napakagandang quote.

It signifies determination, creativity and hope.

Sana, na-inspire kayo…

Keep coming back KABAYAN!